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Previously assigned Chinese spy Eric Swalwell asks to be sent to the labor camp instead

BEIJING – Sources within the Chinese government confirmed today that the spy, previously assigned to and received information from Rep. Eric Swalwell, abruptly returned to China and asked to be sent to a labor camp instead.

“Please – don’t make me go back!” She begged after she returned to China in 2015. “I will do anything! I will break stones! I will build a railroad! I’ll – I’ll even make shoes for Nike! Just don’t let me go back and date this man again! “

“It is a cruel and unusual punishment. What is allowed here, but still. It doesn’t look good, ”she said.

An international human rights body agreed and put pressure on the Chinese government to stop forcing spies to meet Eric Swalwell and other US Congressmen. “We urge the Chinese to resort to traditional methods of punishment such as labor camps, torture and the mere execution of citizens, rather than the cruelty of sending spies to America to meet congressmen.”

Always a gracious ruler, President Xi Jinping granted her request and she was sent to a forced labor camp instead of having to resort to a US Congressman like Eric Swalwell. Though several Americans have reported strange messages being scrawled on the inside of their Nikes, such as “Christine Fang here, please send help” and “Eric Swalwell really farted on live TV”.




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