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SNL skewers Trump’s impeachment attorneys in new chilly open

Saturday Night Live targeted Donald Trump’s defense team and taunted attorneys after receiving an acquittal in the Senate for incitement to riot.

After avoiding poking fun at President Joe Biden since inauguration day, Saturday’s Cold Open followed the trend, targeting only Republicans in an impeachment-focused sketch.

Framed by an episode by Tucker Carlson Tonight, the sketch mocked Fox News host as well as Republican Senators Lindsey Graham, Tex Cruz, and Mitch McConnell.

Trump impeachment defense attorneys Bruce Castor and Michael T. van der Veen were particularly derided in the sketch, deriding them as being clumsy and incompetent.

Framed by an episode of Tucker Carlson Tonight, the new SNL mocked the presenter of Fox News as well as Republican Senators Lindsey Graham, Tex Cruz and Mitch McConnell

Mikey Day portrayed Bruce Castor, whose hour-long opening statement in the trial was even considered by Trump's Senate allies

Mikey Day portrayed Bruce Castor, whose one-hour opening statement in the trial was even described by Trump’s Senate allies as “vast” and pointless.

Mikey Day portrayed Castor, whose one-hour opening statement in the trial was even rated by Trump’s Senate allies as “expansive” and pointless. “

“I want to apologize for the last time I was out here unprepared. Wife bought decaf, but I promise I’ll make it up to you now, ”said Day’s Castor.

The awkward character went on to mock Castor’s real life slip, “I’m the lead accuser, no, I’m the lawyer, I know the difference. But as Trump’s bailiff – no, not really either. ‘

Pete Davidson portrayed van der Veen and explained the name of the Philadelphia lawyer: “This is Dutch for penis man, so I’ve heard it all.”

“This is the worst thing that has been in the Senate Chamber in a few weeks,” said Davidsons van der Veen.

The character blew up the late-stage witness testimony proposal that briefly messed up the trial on Saturday, saying, “I can’t afford to zoom. Do you think I get paid for this? ‘

Pete Davidson portrayed Michael van der Veen and explained the name of the Philadelphia lawyer:

Pete Davidson portrayed Michael van der Veen and explained the name of the Philadelphia lawyer: “This is Dutch for penis man, so I heard it all.”

“But if you insist on witnesses, I’ll call some of my own like Vice President Kaluah Harris, Anya Pressley and Ilhan Omaha,” he continued.

“Did I mispronounce the names of all these women of color on purpose or out of ignorance? You will never know, ”he added.

Like Trump’s real defense, the Van der Veen character presented a clip tape with people saying the word “fight” – but the fictional version also featured movie characters like Star Wars’ JarJar Binks.

“Well said JarJar, meesa rest my case,” Davidsons van der Veen concluded.

The sketch also targeted Senate Republicans like Graham, played by Kate McKinnon.

The sketch also targeted Senate Republicans like Graham, played by Kate McKinnon, and Cruz, played by Aidy Bryant

The sketch also targeted Senate Republicans like Graham, played by Kate McKinnon, and Cruz, played by Aidy Bryant

“Just because the rioters yelled ‘fight for Trump’ doesn’t mean they meant Donald Trump. Could have been real Tiffany heads, maybe even Eric Stans,” said Graham of McKinnon.

“He didn’t try a coup, he’s cooing,” the character continued. “He’s the cooest guy I know.”

Cruz was next in line, and Aidy Bryant portrayed the Texas Republican.

“Like all impartial jurors, we have made it our business to meet with the defense attorneys to give them very simple legal advice,” said Bryants Cruz.

The sketch mocked Cruz for defending Trump after the former president called his wife “ugly” during the 2016 presidential primary.

“Oh yes, that’s what Trump said about my wife,” said Bryants Cruz. “I think she’s beautiful, but with Trump being the boss, I’m sorry honey, you broke.”

McConnell, played by Beck Bennett, rounded out the sketch and eventually revealed his true feelings for Trump

McConnell, played by Beck Bennett, rounded out the sketch and eventually revealed his true feelings for Trump

“Just in time for Valentine’s Day,” said Moffats Tucker. ‘Impressive. And can I say the beard works? ‘

“Well you’d be first,” replied Bryants Cruz.

McConnell, played by Beck Bennett, rounded out the sketch and eventually revealed his true feelings for Trump.

“I think he’s guilty as hell and the worst person I’ve ever met, and I hope every city, county, and state locks up their a **,” he said.

When asked what was next, the McConnell character said, “I plan to stretch my hand across the aisle, then pull it back and say ‘too slow’.”

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