Kim Kardashian should expect equal custody of her children, 50/50 on the property, and using different colored sticky notes to share her precious possessions with Kanye, according to a book by her prominent lawyer.
Laura Wasser is the no-nonsense queen of divorce lawyers who led the celebrity divisions of Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Ashton Kutcher, and Ryan Reynolds, to name a few.
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She is reportedly now representing the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star in her potential divorce with rapper Kanye West.
And the lawyer is very happy to share the secrets of the “perfect divorce” in her book. It doesn’t have to be like this: How to divorce without destroying your family or bankrupt yourself.
And while Kim is believed to have custody of their four children, Wasser previously advised couples to share custody.
Despite Kanye’s mental health problems and savage behavior, like his failed presidential bid, he still deserves equal rights to his property and children under California law.
“No matter who you are or how big your wallet is … you have the same right to custody of your children,” wrote Wasser.
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“Believe me: no less than once a month a potential or current client calls me with their own diagnosis of their spouse as bipolar, manic-depressive, schizophrenic or psychopathic. If one is not institutionalized, the state is unlikely to declare your spouse unfit. So let him go. “
This also applies to properties with couples who are considered “equal co-owners of everything earned or acquired during the marriage”.
“Therefore the division is also the same. It’s 50-50. In California, good or bad, the rule is pretty tough and fast. “
When Kim and Kanye argue about items in the house, Wasser says, “Take a different colored pad of post-its and you walk around the house together, each of you slapping your post-its on the items you want to claim. ”
Things could get messy though, with everything up for grabs, she says, it’s not just cars, boats and houses.
“Frequent flyer kilometers are indeed a big ticket. Do not forget it. And don’t forget the dog either. Or the cat, the parrot, the gerbil, the boa constrictor. “
It may have taken Kim a while to come to that decision, and mother Kris Jenner apparently told her, “It’s over.”
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But water says, “The time to break up a relationship [is] when the pain or oppression of being in it transcends fear or fear of being alone. “
Before they split up, she says, “Make a list of at least five things your spouse or your marriage is preventing you from … [this can be] as easy as sleeping with others or learning ancient Greek. “
Wasser also advises customers to tune in to their “inner Tarzan”.
“I call it Chest Bat Syndrome: now that you are separated from your spouse, you will be Tarzan, who has skills that go well beyond ordinary people and that enable you to be the best, the brightest, and the most enlightened, most vigilant parent in the world, ”advises Wasser.
The only big problem is telling the kids about it and measuring their response. The most problematic could be Kim and Kanye’s daughter North, 7, and not the other three younger offspring.
Wasser says, “Children between the ages of six and eight are a tough nut to crack. The change they are facing is likely their first experience of grief, and they may be angry about it. “
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She advises clients, “Make a cheat sheet – bullet points for the emotional and even legal answers to the questions they need to ask and the concerns.”
Try to avoid the dish at all costs, says water. Use the iSplit app to split all these luxury villas around the world.
She writes: “iSplit allows the user to drag and drop assets and liabilities into 10 different categories. Keep changing the configuration and moving furniture, bank accounts, and gadgets from one spouse to another to see what happens. Indeed, this type of interaction, available at the click of a mouse, can be very useful in getting the negotiations started. I love this app! “
But when the divorce has to be brought to court, Wasser says on the day of the case: “Turn off your cell phone and spit out your chewing gum.” And: “I routinely advise my clients to take the so-called STFU pill every morning in court ; it stands for Shut The F ** k Up.
“No judge wants to hear from you unless you are on the stand or answering a direct question the judge may be asking.”
And divorce doesn’t have to be lonely. Wasser advises instead of turning to family and friends all the time, but rather going one step further and “listening to Divorce Source Radio” or “going to the annual Divorce Expo with keynote speakers, seminars and a marketplace where newbies shop can include financial services, self improvement products, spas and personal trainers, singles resorts, meet-up groups. “
And if that doesn’t work, she advises, “Put up a sign: ‘Looking for a divorce group. Please call this number. ‘Post it where people will see it – in the library, on the congregation bulletin board in front of the supermarket, in places of worship, at the gas station, and at the post office. Chances are you’ll get answers. “
Wasser says the reason she is hired by clients like Kim is to get to the end of that process and “help clients navigate this new area and get out of that spirit, mind and resources and be eager in move on to the next phase of their process. “
This article originally appeared on The Sun and has been reproduced with permission